UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
