We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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