susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
