You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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