The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
