She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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