Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
