If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
