Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Couch. On fire.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
