I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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