then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
