My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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