All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I met the friendliest cop last night
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
