I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
