The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
sick fucks of a feather flock together
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
