Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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