is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Did you pee in the oven last night??
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
