Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
