Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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