we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
