Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I need a beard to bite.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
