I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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