just come out here and I will go home with you...
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Randomize
