Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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