how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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