I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
