worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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