Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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