I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
