If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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