Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
