Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
