you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
