He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The convent might be a nice break from real life
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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