even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
