Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
