life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Randomize
