how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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