I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The Olympian is in my bed
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
