Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
