if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
