so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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