She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
