i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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