would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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