I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
