I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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