like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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