idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
