I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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